Emotional Codependency, What Does It Consist Of?

A codependent person will do everything he can to keep his partner dependent on him. Therefore, the cares and concerns that it shows are not altruistic, but interested and manipulative.

An emotional codependency relationship is not a balanced relationship but a toxic one. For this reason, being attentive to the symptoms will allow us to correct them as soon as possible.

In this article we will tell you what emotional codependency is, what signs it usually presents and how to deal with it. You want to know more? Keep reading then.

Emotional codependency

Although these are two related terms, emotional dependence is not the same as codependency.

In the first condition we find an individual with a dysfunctional behavior under which he submits to another person to feel a certain “security”. This attitude leads him to create destructive bonds, in which he considers that the other is essential for him to survive.

On the other hand, emotional codependency is different. In these cases we find those who are demanding dependence on the other person. That is, it is an addiction to the subordination of the other.

Both dependency and codependency lead to toxic relationships. Although this type of relationship occurs in any affective environment (parents and children, friends, etc.), it is quite common among couples.

In any case, we are talking about two individuals who depend on each other, although in a different way. The dependent does not know how to live without the partner, while the codependent is “hooked” on the dependent’s need.

Signs of emotional codependency

Among the most common characteristics of emotional codependency are some such as the following:

• Low self-esteem : the codependent tries to fill the void or imbalance that he experiences by feeling useful for someone who requires him.

• The desire for control, since one’s own stability is based on someone else’s dependence. Thus, the codependent tends to constantly monitor the partner. He even uses manipulation to make sure it will continue to claim him.
• The need for approval : when the codependent does not receive recognition or is not rewarded for it, frustration and fear of abandonment appear. In addition, it is possible that you use a dynamic of reproaches to provoke that the salesperson reinforce and appreciate everything you do.

Other symptoms

It is also common for the person who manifests that codependency behavior to experience other symptoms such as these:

• Responsibility for the feelings of the other : the codependent may appropriate the emotions of the other, which makes him suffer when he is unable to please the partner. Remember that the goal of the first is to become someone indispensable for the well-being of the second.

• Obsession to be claimed at all times, forgetting their own needs as long as the other person continues to show them how important they are.

How to deal with this situation of codependency?

A toxic relationship between a dependent person and a codependent person can be corrected. For this it is essential that both redirect the way they behave. In these cases, both individual and couple psychotherapy are useful :

• First, you need to recognize that there is a problem. Admitting difficulties is the initial step in addressing them.
• The codependent will face the fear they feel of being alone, of their own independence and of not having anyone to claim them. Avoiding getting involved and worrying excessively about trying to change, control or satisfy the other would be actions that respond to this objective.

• In addition, it is important that the codependent understand that help and care come from altruism and not from “manipulation” to meet personal needs.
• On the other hand, it is essential that both members of the couple learn to set limits. That is to say, that they express what each one wants and define their own space.

Identify emotional codependency

In this process, it is about the codependent person understanding that a healthy relationship starts from a bond established from freedom and individual choice.

Keeping someone “tied up” by making them feel like we are a requirement for their happiness will only bring trouble.